A missed potential game-changing decision does NOT define you,
A slip during a key appointment does NOT define you,
A dropped ball which leads to a goal does NOT define you,
A poor start at in a cup fixture does NOT define you,
A season-ending mistake in front of a large crowd does NOT define you. Missed opportunities can be bitter pills to swallow.
As heartbreaking as a mistake can be in a key fixture, that one moment does not tell the truth about who you are as a referee.
This Is A Challenging Concept For Many Referees To Buy Into.
The sting of a poor performance is hard, but some officials agonise when they see themselves as the sole reason for a negative outcome.
It is understandable to experience negative emotions after a missed opportunity.
You put in a lot of work, dedicate a vast amount of time and make tremendous sacrifices as a referee to put yourself in position to succeed.
Seeing it all slip away can be devastating for some officials.
As Hard As It Is To Accept, You Are More Than That One Moment.
As a referee, you are the sum total of everything you put into your officiating.
You are a hard worker, you are resilient coming back from injury and overcoming mistakes, you are an achiever who has risen to many challenges and improved your brand over a period of years.
In addition, you are more than just an official, you are a person with talents, skills, and positive qualities outside of refereeing.
It may be difficult to wade through the negative thoughts and emotions after missing out on an opportunity, but you need to see the big picture if you are to learn from your experiences and be motivated to bounce back mentally stronger in the future.
The American Football Player’s Perspective
In American Football Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Alshon Jeffery played a huge part in the Eagles winning the 2018 Super Bowl and was also a major contributor to Philadelphia’s 2019 playoff run.
Unfortunately, Jeffery dropped a pass that halted the final drive with two minutes remaining in a divisional-round loss to the New Orleans Saints, ending the Eagles chances at repeating as champions.
Jeffery was upset in the dressing room after the game but understands drops are also a part of the game.
“It [hurts] right now. Everyone in the locker room, we’re all down. Like I said, I let my teammates down, I let the city of Philadelphia down. That’s on me. We’ll be back next year for sure. One play [doesn’t] define me… It happens. It’s part of football. I just hated the way it happened in the playoffs, and it was the final moment.” – Alshon Jeffery, Former Philadelphia Eagles Wide Receiver
Effective Strategies To Get Overcome Disappointment.
- Feel The Feelings – The disappointment is undeniable and it is normal to experience those negative emotions.
- Take Responsibility – The first step to move on is to take responsibility for your performance.
- Credit Your Successes – If you are going to admit to mistakes, you must also credit yourself for your successes.
- Move On – Let go. After some short amount of time, you will need to move forward. You can’t reach your potential as a referee if you carry that negative baggage forever.
- Learn – Identify what you can learn from the experience to improve your officiating ability in the future.
Don’t allow one moment to define your refereeing career, you are better than that!
Looking Beyond a Missed Opportunity Out in The Middle:
It is easy to dwell on one missed opportunity but it’s not healthy or beneficial to you as an official.
Move forward by listing all the things that helped you get to where you are: all the sweat, all the sacrifice, all the extra hours and all of the successes.
Defining yourself in broader terms will help you develop the mental toughness needed to succeed in the future.
And always remember that refereeing is what you do, not who you are!
At The Third Team I work individually and in collaboration with different professionals where I have developed workshops associated with Resilience and Mental Toughness Development to help referees. The workshops are interactive, where referees are encouraged to open up and share their experiences to help each other.
Feel free to contact me if you’d like to know more about my workshops and how I could help you or your officials.
Best Wishes,
Nathan Sherratt
Referee Educator & Managing Director of The Third Team
Nathan Sherratt
Nathan Sherratt, Referee Educator, Resilience Trainer and Managing Director of The Third Team. A Mental Toughness Practitioner based in County Durham, North East England.